but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
