Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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