I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
