Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
