hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
