Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
God, I missed his penis.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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