The maid of honor just puked.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
