hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
