So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
