I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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