Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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