my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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