I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Duck Duck Cougar?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
