i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
