They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
