She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
