i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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