She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
