Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
