She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
