Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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