Me too!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
