I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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