The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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