Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
