i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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