Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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