Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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