just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
