I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
