Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
