Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
