My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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