ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
