Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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