is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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