We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
