just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My vagina is very pro this idea
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
