i would punch a child for taco bell
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
