Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
