I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
