i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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