You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
