He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
