He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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