Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
