I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
