I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
