You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
