i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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