i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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